Useful Mindsets in Dealing with Male Competition - I
submitted: Jul 6th 2008 |
by: VinDiCarlo
Total views: 5 |
Word Count: 545 |
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Have you avoided approaching a girl just because she is talking to another guy?
Or maybe you saw a group of girls with one or two guys with them and you ASSUMED the guys were cooler than you so you avoided approaching because you feared embarrassment.
There are two reasons why guys have a fear in talking with women who were with other guys.
They think that the woman is "with" the guy, and assume he's her boyfriend.
This shouldn't be the basis of not talking to a woman. Especially in a social setting like in the bar, where people meet other people. Plus - that woman is not a "slave" of the guy or a piece of property, she's a human being and is free to whomever she chooses to talk to.
You will extremely look confident if you approach more often a woman who is "with" a guy and this can draw out the guy's jealous side, making him look weak and insecure.
The other reason points to a deep insecurity based on a simple misconception that's why they avoid talking to woman who is "with" a guy.
Men tend to be threatened by other men, they assumed that the "other guy" is more cooler, stronger, or somehow powerful than they are.
This is founded in an ancient survival strategy that has been hardwired into the human brain.
In any given interaction, its often hard to tell who the more "dominant" person is. So when a male is confronted by another male, he doesn't know how dominant the other guy is. The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious.
As was probably common thousands of years ago, a guy doesn't know if he will be embarrassed verbally.
So it's better to play safe by assuming that the other guy is a threat. Guys that were too bold may have won a few confrontations, but it will take a single loss to end up dead or exiled from the game.
And then their genes were taken out of the "game" so to speak.
Those guys that avoided confrontation and played safe are the one that can successfully reproduce and survive.
The irony is that nowadays this hard-wired survival strategy is the basis for most approach anxiety - men makes a false assumptions that will lead them to avoid approaching women unnecessarily.
The thing is, when you are in the bar or club and you see a woman talking to another guy, you would think she's not WITH him.
Usually, they JUST MET!
For many instances I've approached a girl with a guy thinking it was her boyfriend, then only to find out that he was just a random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend or relative.
I think of all the times I completely avoided talking to a woman because I saw her with another guy. I regret having missed so many opportunities. Which brings me to my first point:
DON'T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL YOU SEE PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO THE WOMAN.
You'll never know until you find out. Just remember to be alert and respectful, because in the off chance they are together, the guy may be the insecure jealous type and start a physical confrontation.
So be smart and wise - don't just stick around on having a false judgment.
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